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A is for Attitude, not Aptitude

Posted on by dailypax

A is for Attitude

When I talk about Spiritual Growth I’m always surprised at how many people say they don’t possess the aptitude for this type of endeavor. Some say they’ve tried many “self-improvement” régimes already. Some will claim to be extroverted and don’t believe they could be quiet enough for introspection or growth. Many people think Spiritual Growth is too complex to be understood. That Spiritual Growth is better suited for people like Thomas Merton or Henri Nouwen. Wrong, wrong, and more wrong.

The truth is we are ALL on a spiritual journey. For some the journey is of change and growth, for others the journey is of sameness and eventual stagnation. The question is not are you able to grow spiritually, but do you want to grow spiritually?

Are you willing to try things outside your comfort zone? Are you willing to set aside your assumptions about yourself, and others? Are you willing to admit that you are not the source of all knowledge? … of all wisdom? Are you willing to let go and try something new in order to grow?

What is required for growth? A seed already contains within itself all the information needed to mature into a tree. Yet the seed needs something outside of itself for growth to actually occur; water, nourishment, and sunshine. These are things the seed cannot supply itself. It is the same for Spiritual Growth. Deep inside each of us we are already have all the information needed to grow into our true self. But for that self to grow it also must be supplied with things it does not have; water, nourishment, and sunshine … of a different type.

During April I plan to share a whole alphabet full of ideas, tips, and tools for the Spiritual Journey. I hope you’ll join me and try a few of my suggestions. Don’t be afraid, don’t judge your aptitude, simply adjust your attitude and begin.

It’s been almost 30 years since I made this type of adjustment in my own attitude about my Spiritual Journey. Paradoxically, I have experienced great freedom in admitting that I needed something else – something outside of myself. As I adjusted my attitude and tried new things, growth happened. Although the change has been dramatic, I haven’t become a different person. I’ve simply become more of who I always intended to be – me.

Thought prompts are intend to give you ideas that will help you reflect on your spiritual journey in new and fruitful ways.  Feel free to share your responses in the comment box below each post or send me an email.

Thought Prompts: A – Attitude, not Aptitude

  1. What efforts have you already attempted for growth in your Spiritual Journey? Did they produce growth? Why or why not?
  2. What are your thoughts about the idea of having a “true self”? Are you acquainted with this part of yourself?
  3. After spending a few minutes thinking on your spiritual journey thus far, what word or phrase would describe your current state? Share your word below in the comment section if you are inclined.In Spiritual Growth

New Season of Being Loved

Posted on by dailypax

image#Lent2016
The season arrived a little earlier this year, but I always welcome the discipline of the 40 day journey. Every year I get to “restart” my routines and habits.

This year I’m giving up self-critique. Going to turn my eyes outward and SEE the love and mercy that God is always extending to me.

Heard someone say “We’re better able to love others when we let God love us.” Think I’ll give that a try for the next 40 days.

What are you giving up?

My Computer and My Mind

Posted on by dailypax

image‪#‎cleanoutyourcomputerday‬

“Observed on the second Monday in February, this day is set aside to take some time out of your busy schedule to do needed care on your computers.”

I say how about a national day set aside to do needed care in your mind? Our minds, like computers, get clogged up with old files and memories that cause us to stay stuck in the past. We obsess over things we cannot change. Just like my computer, my mind holds on to unused files and programs that clog my memory and distract me.

I’m taking a few minutes today to clear out useless information and memories that are barriers in my pursuit of peace. 

the wood’s grain

Posted on by dailypax

crucifixSometimes in the fall, when the afternoon sunlight is just right you can see the grain of the wood in the body on the large crucifix over the altar at church. I marvel at how the grain matches the pattern of the muscles it fills; concentric shadows and layers repeat the shape. I wonder at how the wood feels about being used for such a precious form; conveying the love of God to those who look upon the image.

My modern mind mocks me for a minute; as if wood had feelings. Then I recall the psalm that reminds me that all creation praises God and shows forth the truth of him. Nature cannot help but convey God, for it has no free-will. It does what it was created to do.

I on the other hand struggle to know what I was created for.

My free-will gets in the way. The very gift of choice has the potential to prevent me from fulfilling all that God has intended me to become. I was created to be an image bearer; bearing his image to a lost and dying world. I want people to see the grain of my wood, the inner marks that are only visible when the surface is scratched, shaped or polished.

Lord, help me be open to your shaping so that when the light hits me just right others might see the concentric layers of what is inside me. Without you I am as shapeless as I am aimless, unbounded, out of control. Give me your shape. Mold me with a firm gentleness, so that I will know and others will see the very thing that gives me shape and animates me  – you.

blue into gold

Posted on by dailypax

blue-gold-cropI have often marveled at how both gold and blue can exist in the same sky. Anytime I have attempted to replicate this mystery with watercolors, my blues mix with the gold and annoying green invades the space.

I feel like I need lines to keep the hues apart. No green invading, merely the gold transitioning into blue. I’m not sure how God keeps the colors from mixing in the evening sky, probably there’s a scientific explanation … but could it simply be — he needed no lines, no limits for his work. He can do whatever he likes. He isn’t limited like I am attempting to prevent green when blue touches gold. And I wonder, is his work in my life like this too?

I struggle to replicate (poorly) what he produces with ease. I seek lines and boundaries for influences that would bring an undesired result into my life. He is able to achieve perfection with those undesired influences and it appears, without the struggle. There are no boundaries for him.

Perhaps then I am to watch, and be a part of his perfection and not attempt to copy it. I struggle to control, perhaps I should just reflect. Perhaps the issue is the materials I’m using, perhaps he’s just God and I am not.

God Works in His Time

Posted on by dailypax

pocket-watch“God works in His time” the priest declared, yet I will add to his declaration –

“God works outside of time.”

Our clocks and expectations mean little or nothing to him.

God is not constrained by time or our expectations.

The truth is – our prayers and pleadings are for us.

They whittle at our stubborn hearts, breaking down our obstinate wills into small, dust like particles, so that eventually there is nothing left to desire, but only what God desires. And although his desires are often “best” they are often the most painful things to accept.

Although the assertion “God works in his time” may bring us a measure of comfort, it is a small consolation.

The real comfort comes in embracing the truth – “God works.”

… from the Cloud of Unknowing

God, the Master of time never gives the future.
He only gives the present, moment by moment.
For this is the law of the created order
and God will not contradict himself in His creation.
Time is for man, not man for time.

Craving Desert

Posted on by dailypax

I remember the childhood strategy to spelling a tricky word: “Why is dessert spelled with two ‘s’s’? Because you always want two servings.”

Well, I’d like to spell desert with two “s’s.”

“I want two servings of desert, please,” I ask with outstretched plate.

I want two servings of quiet.

I want two servings of reflection.

Yes, I want to be cut off from the abundance of modern life, and fully connected to the thin place the desert can offer, to enter into a double offering of closeness to God.

Double offering of stillness.

Double offering of reality.

Double offering of honesty.

How did life become so fast, so frenzied? I yearn for the stillness that the desert brings.

The air is still, the people are still, the hills are still, the vegetation is still, the dirt is still.

Quiet.

Some look at the desert and see death and stagnation.

I look at the desert and see stopping and quiet and reflection and pause and breathing.

There I hear my respiration. I feel my heart beating. In the stillness, my thoughts are free to move outside of me – outside of self. No longer preoccupied, I see creation; birds, bugs, animals. The stuff that is always going on around me without my notice. The peaceful rhythm that nature is.

The world is full of man-crafted devices, of machines – moving, whirring, spinning, moving, going, getting, gaining.

My body is a God-crafted device, made for life in a garden; a place where “green things thrive.” Where I am needed to attend and to notice. To see, and to experience the masterpiece of a flower, of the complexities of a bee, of the delicate intricacies of a butterfly.

So, will I answer the call to retreat? The call of the wilderness? Will I intentionally move into the thin space? Will I approach the veil and allow myself to be still and just breathe? Quietly? Within the beating of my own heart? My heart, a soft and fleshy 7 pounds of blob. A blob that God causes to contract as it pulses and pushes blood through my fleshy frame, my weak, easily damaged frame.

I will answer the call. I will make my bed, put my papers in order, fill my gas-efficient auto with fuel and travel to the mountains – intentionally moving away from the world. I will go further up and further in. Why? Why this counter-cultural move? Because I am called. I have set my heart to listening, osculta, listening with the ear of my heart, and so I hear, and so I must obey.

I have lived ignoring that call; years of simply listening to myself, and to the world. I should have ignored the world. I listened because expectations compelled me. Inside I knew I wasn’t smart enough to know how to lead myself – and now I rest in knowing that I am not.

I have searched and I have found the One I can trust. Rather I have been found by Him. He was calling me in my search. He is the One I can follow, He cannot disappoint, for He knows not how.

So, deep in listening, I have no other option but to follow.

He calls me to the desert.

A place with two “s’s” to my mind.

Two “s’s” because I desire a double helping of the fullness there.

The fullness of the thinness.

The world offers a fullness that is empty.

The desert offers a thinness that is full.

Full of Him – empty of me.

Thick with meaning – devoid of chaos.

Quivering with potential – but only potential, until I answer.

Will I answer?

Will I enter?

Yes

wilderness2

Disquietness

Posted on by dailypax
    Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God. Ps 42:11

The psalmist is speaking to the “living part” of himself, his soul. The living part of his being is cast down and heavy – disquieted. I understand this.

If this “disquiet” is a part of the Psalmist’s experience, a byproduct of fears and oppression, why does the modern person become concerned when feeling this way? As though we’ve done something wrong; that we haven’t had sufficient “good thoughts” or maintained a positive attitude.  Yet heaviness and disquietness are the soul’s natural reaction to life’s difficult situations.

This passage appears to be an internal discussion between the writer and himself. I benefit from the progression of thought expressed.

“Why are thou cast down, O my soul?” He is surprised at his own heaviness.

Then he encourages himself, “Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him.”

As if to say, “Why are you sad, take heart, something will come of this difficulty, something worthy of praise. God has proven himself in the past, He will not absent himself this time, take courage – be still.”

This psalm speaks to me in two ways; first, that to be heavy or disquieted is a natural state of my soul in response to fears and worries. Second, that when life causes me worry and distress, I should encourage myself by remembering that God hasn’t failed me and that when the turmoil has passed I will have something to be thankful for.

Counterintuitive? Yes. But that is the point.

and the Spirit … like a Dove

Posted on by dailypax

dove2Today’s lectionary reading from the beginning of the Gospel of St. Mark – the Baptism of Christ – has reminded me of a moment I had while visiting the Sienna Prayer Center in Ventura, California. It was a Holy Week retreat and I spent hours in the covenant gardens observing all types of birds and other small wild-life.

Stretched out on a lawn, I had occasion to leisurely watch a beautiful dove. Her efforts were awkward as she began the task of lifting her resting body from atop a nearby tree. She labored successfully under great efforts to a spot which seemed to be right overhead. With nothing to perch upon I wondered why she headed upward.

As she reached her destination there was a brief moment at which she became weightless. Her wings were fully stretched, a magnificently symmetrical wingspan. Her strong tail feathers fanned out wide, she was completely relaxed as she hung effortlessly for a moment in the air. Her gaze shifted to another tree, and with a slight but deliberate movement of her head she let her body hurl and fall freely to someplace hidden deep with another tree.

If Christ had been this bird’s destination – the Holy Spirit descending upon Him as a dove – at His baptism, it would have been quite a dramatic and shocking scene. Not the ethereal, lukewarm images of rays of light and brightness. No, it would have appeared more like a great force of intentional movement from heaven toward a man emerging from under the water.

This vision has awakened in me a curiosity of other word-images in Scripture. Might THIS vision of a dove’s movement tell a different story about my Lord’s baptism? And might this different story produce a more mysterious understanding of the active agent of the Trinity in my life?